I guess this is what we have to look forward to every Saturday. John gave Ayla her first methotrexate injection on Saturday. We had been putting it off for two weeks now but because Ayla had a couple of bad days last week, we knew that we HAD to get the injections started. When we first found out that we would have to start injections, John was confident and willing to give them. He is a Physician Assistant and has given many shots and even joint injections over the years. I am a nurse and I could give them if I had to, but I was so glad that John stepped up and volunteered to take on this task. As time drew closer to give the injection, it became harder for John and for two weekends we gave the oral instead.
This Saturday, we knew that we could not put it off any longer. We put emla cream on her thigh, which Ayla calls "lotion" and then about thirty minutes later we changed her diaper and John did it then. She cried of course and we both wanted to cry but we held it together and tried not to make a big deal out of it. She had her babies out and we just got her interested in that and she soon forgot about everything and went on playing. (Sundays are actually worse for Ayla. She always feels bad the day after taking methotrexate. She cries alot Sunday morning and doesn't eat well the whole day. I think her stomach is upset and we were told this is a common side affect of the drug).Thankfully, it is only one day!
Of course it was harder on John and I then it will ever probably be for her. I guess that is how it always is. Kids are so resilient, and they just keep on going despite what life throws at them. We as adults could learn so much from THEM.
All day Saturday and Sunday, I was in a bad mood. I had the "why me"mentality, why did this happen to us? why cant Ayla be a healthy two year old? Don't get me wrong, I do not feel like this always, most of the time I am positive and I hardly ever complain,but I do have my bad days.
Then afterwards I always feel so bad because I know there are so many other children that are far worse than Ayla with far worse conditions and then I feel guilty for even thinking this way.
And so the battle rages on..................
Anyway, there have been several friends ask about Ayla and how injections are going so I just wanted to keep everyone updated. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers more than you will ever know!